Monterey, Nov. 1 - Golf superstar Tiger Woods was found roaming the streets of Monterey last night with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand muttering three words over and over, "free, 420, bitch." An anonymous source close to the Woods camp told ESPN.com that Tiger was distraught after getting pummeled earlier in the day at Pebble Beach Golf Links by his opponent Free420 of 2130clan, USA.Free beat Tiger 5 and 4 to win the gold medal and complete the Tiger Challenge. The source called Free's playing "flawless" and "worthy of permanent recognition in annals of golf history." After firing a brilliant 9 under on the front nine, Free solidified his victory with another birdie on 10 and a chip-in birdie on 14 to close the match. Tiger dropped to the ground in tears as he watched the final shot drop at which point Free walked over and began squatting up and down over Tiger's head. Some think it was this humiliating act that drove Tiger to take up the bottle.
After being released from the Monterey Police station early this morning, Tiger Woods was seen selling his golf clubs at Mondo's Pawn Shop. It's rumored he purchased a metal detector with the money from his clubs and was last seen combing the beaches of Monterey for lost valuables.
Free420 refused to be interviewed for this article but he did release the following statement: "Anyone else want some?"
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Tiger was spotted today downtown Arcadia knitting Tiger Golf Club covers.
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